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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25127446">Haven't You Noticed?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/irreplaceable_ecstacy/pseuds/irreplaceable_ecstacy'>irreplaceable_ecstacy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A songfic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Late Night Conversations, Late at Night, Love, Useless Lesbians, and helene really loves affections, i don't know how to tag, marya is an anxious bean, marya is just very worried about love, tw: anxiety</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:54:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,036</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25127446</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/irreplaceable_ecstacy/pseuds/irreplaceable_ecstacy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A songfic based on Haven't You Noticed? by Grace McLean.</p><p>A late and peaceful winter's night. Darkness has settled in but there are too many little lights keeping Marya awake. Too many little things poking and prodding at her, and she could not bring herself to succumb to slumber. To pass the time, she watches over the woman in her arms, the woman who she loves so much, Hélène Kuragina. And she allows herself to think and muse... What had she done to deserve this woman? And oh how strange love was to her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Marya Dmitryevna Akhrosimova/Elena "Hélène" Vasilyevna Kuragina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Haven't You Noticed?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>If when I see you, I want to throw up<br/>
It's just because each time I see you<br/>
You crawl in through my corneas</em>
</p><p>It was a quarter past midnight. Snow showered over the neighborhood where a certain Kuragina and Akhrosimova resided, the glowing white coating the area of an array of red rooftops. Little rays of moonlight shone through the windowpanes, past the translucent purple curtain that blew gently in a cold winter breeze through a small crack of the slightly open window. The night wind was enough to cool down the room and it was the perfect temperature to whip out a singular blanket to share between two figures that laid in bed. One was fast asleep but the other was very much awake during that cold winter night.</p><p>The sleeping figure hogged most of the blanket, leaving just enough to cover the other’s legs but most of the warmth that was insulated came from how closely they huddled against each other, limbs tangled around one another in a secured hold. Marya Dmitrievna, whose gentle grey eyes gazed upon the sleeping woman beside her, could not find it in her to fall asleep. She had been watching over a very exhausted Hélène Kuragina who was now fast asleep with her head resting on her chest after a terribly long day of being apart. Marya enveloped Hélène in a warm embrace, hands rubbing circles along the younger woman’s back when she shifted to adjust herself in the comforting embrace. Marya could not tear her eyes away from her nor could she waste a second by simply blinking. This woman in her arms was a sight to behold and the moonlight that shone upon her face made her look angelic.</p><p>Messy but delicate curls draped over her face to curtain her eyes from the light that poured in. The moonlight casted shadows of every curve on her face, highlighting every inch of the Kuragina in most of her glory in a heavenly glow. Her mouth, having fallen open just a little, breathed warm breaths that tickled Marya’s skin. Each breath reminded the redheaded woman how alive she was and how real the person in her arms was. Every now and then, Hélène would let out a soft incoherent mumble that would make Marya giggled quietly to herself. She could never understand her little sleep talks but it did not matter. As long as she was not kicking her or flaying her arms about, Marya was perfectly fine.</p><p>
  <em>And I'm not used to somebody else<br/>
Swimming round in my blood </em>
</p><p>To see her, to feel her, to hear her… It made the dream more of a reality with every waking moment. As it was now a reality, Marya did not have to fear about waking up and not seeing Hélène by her side. She was always there in the morning, either snoring away or awake with the brightest smile that would make Marya’s heart flutter. Then either one of them would pull the other into a gentle morning kiss and exchange a soft giggle as they laid in bed, spending their morning away until they had to go for work.</p><p>Marya recalled the nightmares that would taunt her. The nightmares of how loneliness could leave her in a wreck of tears and sobs. She remembered what it was like to wake up in a chilly empty bed. It was once a painful reminder that she had no one to love her nor did she have anyone to love. Sure, she had her two beautiful goddaughters who she loved with all her heart and they loved her back, but to familial love was incredibly different from loving someone romantically. Ever since her husband passed, long before she knew who Hélène was, she never thought that she would find love again. But how very wrong she was.</p><p>Even with Hélène around, the nightmares would still come but Hélène would be there to wake her up before they could send her into a frenzy of emotions. Marya would find herself in the arms of her lover when she awoke and the panic would simmer down into nothing. Hélène would follow the same routine to calm Marya down. She would pull Marya close to her, comb her hands through her locks of red hair, press her cheek against the side of her head and whisper loving words to her with the assurance that things were going to be alright and that she was there for her. And if she still did not calm down, Hélène would crack a stupid joke or hum softly to her, and both worked like a charm. How she adored the Kuragina.</p><p>
  <em>If when you touch me, I sort of shudder<br/>
It's just because your fingers feel like my fingers</em>
</p><p>The Akhrosimova returned to the present when she felt a hand brush against her cheek in an affectionate caress and her automatic response was to lean into it. Hélène had stirred awake, having heard how rapidly Marya’s heart pounded against her chest where her head had rested. The heavy beats were enough to wake her up to alert her that her lover was in distress and despite how exhausted she was, she could not be at rest. Marya released a breath she did not realize she had been holding and mustered a smile as she wrapped an around Hélène’s waist, her vacant arm snaking around her neck loosely. Hélène trapped Marya’s legs in between hers, her arms thrown around the taller woman’s neck as she buried her face against shoulder, tucking her head in the crook of her neck. The blanket had long been discarded for it was warm enough for the both of them, the stitched piece of cloth lying at their feet in abandonment.</p><p>Marya did not have to ask why Hélène was wake. She was aware of it herself so she remained quiet. Hélène traced her fingers along her cheeks to her jaw then down to the lines of her neck and shoulders before returning to her cheeks again. The touches on her skin made her shudder and she held her breath once again as she indulged in the pleasure of Hélène’s affections. She cupped Marya’s cheeks within her hands and stroked them with her thumbs, and a crooked smile made its way to her lips. Marya could still see the sleep in her eyes, the way they drooped shut then snapped open again. The smile, though, did not falter and Hélène poked Marya’s nose gently for staring at her.</p><p>“Why are you still awake, ma chere?” Hélène murmured as she pressed a small kiss against Marya’s slightly parted lips.</p><p>
  <em>And I'm not used to somebody else as an extension of me<br/>
As an extension of me</em>
</p><p>In their entanglement of limbs, they inched closer to each other, eliminating any space there was in between them. Hélène’s hands were in Marya’s hair, twisting and fiddling with the locks carefully within slender fingers. In a state that balanced between sleep and wakefulness, Hélène was rather distracted by everything that was occurring in the dead of night. Her eyes wandered around to each corner of their bedroom to then to the strands of hair she was braiding so that she did not hurt Marya. Even without effort, Hélène looked so graceful as she her hands fumbled about before they found their places at the back of Marya’s head. While the younger woman was so distracted, Marya kept her gaze trained on her, her eyes softening up as she admired the one she loved so much. Her grasp around Hélène tightened up as she felt herself falling into a state of belief that she had someone to hold in bed. Someone to shower all her love and care with, and someone who would do the same for her.</p><p>What had she done to deserve Hélène? Before they had gotten together, she could only remember being harsh and cruel by warning her own goddaughters to stay away from her. It was all too ironic for she was the one who had failed to stay away from her and now here she was in bed with her. Her goddaughters said nothing to protest against their relationship and Hélène did not despise her for saying such horrible things about her. Combined, the dread and guilt that pooled in her abdomen felt heavy, like a solid threatening to drag her into the ground. But Hélène had this effect on her that was unknown to her. Even the smallest display of affection was enough to vanquish all of those negative thoughts, only to replace them with love, passion and care. All of which she was doing now and Marya could not stop smiling at her. The corners of her eyes crinkles as the smile broadened and Hélène stared up at her blankly before grinning like a child.</p><p>“What?” Hélène asked as her hands returned to rest on Marya’s cheeks and the older woman planted a kiss onto each palm.</p><p>
  <em>And I just love the things you're doing to me<br/>
And I just the love way you're moving through me<br/>
And I just love the way you're wanderin’ through my room<br/>
Looking for me</em>
</p><p>“Nothing… Am I not allowed to look at you?” Marya hummed.</p><p>“Oh no. I enjoy the attention very much so stare all you want, love. I’m not going anywhere,” Hélène teased.</p><p>“Good. Because I don’t want you to leave,” Marya murmured as she nuzzled against Hélène’s hair.</p><p>“Aw… I could never leave you,” Hélène sighed and she climbed onto Marya, laying herself on top of the woman. “The only thing that will ever do us part will be death… Nothing else.”</p><p>“Already practicing your wedding vows, I see,” Marya joked.</p><p>Hélène rested her folded arms just slightly above Marya’s chest, her head propped up on them as her dark hues stared into Marya’s bright ones. “I sure am, love, because I mean every word of it and I want my wife-to-be to know that.”</p><p>“Oh.” Marya’s heart fluttered and her cheeks flushed a deep crimson, but the darkness of the night saved her the humiliation of Hélène seeing it. “I’m sure she knows that perfectly well.”</p><p>“Does she now?” Hélène purred and she crawled up just a little to rest her forehead against Marya’s.</p><p>Marya ran her knuckles along Hélène’s cheek and pecked her lips. “Indeed. And she wonders if you know just how much she loves you?”</p><p>“Of course. She isn’t really the best at hiding her feelings. Also, an awful liar,” Hélène said as she tapped her chin in thought.</p><p>Marya gasped dramatically. “Am I really a bad liar?”</p><p>“You are, but I think it’s adorable.”</p><p>“I”-</p><p>Hélène silenced her with a kiss before Marya could protest, their lips colliding clumsily as they connected. The younger woman was evidently hazed in sleep and she was struggling to stay awake but she did anyway. Marya melted into the bed, despite the cold, and her head sank back into the depths of her pillow as Hélène deepened the kiss. Hands clutched onto articles of clothing, tugging the other closer if it was even possible for their bodies were already glued together. If Marya could stay the way that they were, she would die happily. She lost herself to Hélène’s love, her eyes fluttering closed as she held her flush against her. Never mind the rapid drumming of her heart as she indulged in the kiss or the way Hélène was giggling against her lips upon feeling the way her heart hammered. She would relish moments like these, treasure them until the end of her days however long they were for there was nothing else that brought her so much joy.</p><p>The affection she would receive from Hélène, no matter how proudly she stood in her formal posture and fiery demeanor, the Kuragina could turn her into a puddle of emotions. They had been together for nearly six months, nearly half a year, but these little displays of love still made her so darned soft for some reason. Perhaps she had been deprived of them for so long it almost felt foreign to her, or maybe it was because of that effect Hélène had on her. It could very well be both toying with her cognitions.</p><p>
  <em>If when you kiss me, I seem paralyzed<br/>
It's just because each time you kiss me, I sort of die<br/>
And I'm not used to losing myself and becoming you<br/>
And becoming you</em>
</p><p>Hélène pulled away for breath after what felt like a long time but her lips were still on Marya’s, only parted to take a few deep breaths. Marya opened her eyes to find that Hélène was looming over her, having gotten on all fours so that she was looking directly at Marya from where she was. The way her brown eyes pierced through her own grey ones made her stomach flip and she was at a loss for words. The moonlight, suddenly at its brightest, shone on Hélène and Marya could see a faint blush of pink coloring her olive colored skin. Just looking at her, Marya felt a sense of tenderness wash over her. All her worries had gone and her mind was blank, refreshed of every negative thought so that Hélène could offer every ounce of positivity and devotion she had in store for her. Marya only wished that she was providing the same for her for all she wanted for Hélène was the happiness, freedom and love she deserved. For all Hélène had done for her, there was so much she had to repay her for and she was unsure how. Marya pampered her with love, took care of both, the woman and the house, but it did not suffice, or at least it felt like it did not. Marya did not mention any of it for Hélène seemed contented with everything she was receiving but Marya sometimes could not help but feel as though her giving were not up to par with Hélène’s.</p><p>Then, the Kuragina dropped herself onto Marya with a soft grunt and laid unmoving though some sounds could be heard muffled against Marya’s chest. A weary groan growled low in Hélène’s throat and she tipped her head to look at Marya with a sideway glance, a smile upon her lips. Marya ran her hands through Hélène’s hair and she reacted much like a cat would, letting out sounds of pleasure and leaning into the hand for more. </p><p>“I love you so much, Akhrosimova. I hope you know that,” Hélène mumbled quietly, her eyes already shut.</p><p>“And I love you so much more, Kuragina,” Marya answered in a whisper and kissed her forehead.</p><p>“Dragon~”</p><p>“Hussy.”</p><p>“<em>Your</em> hussy~”</p><p>
  <em>And I just love the way you see right through me<br/>
And I just love the way you're healing through me<br/>
And I just love the way you're moving through space<br/>
Loving me</em>
</p><p>The purrs died down into silence and soon enough, Hélène had fallen back to sleep. Marya did not wish to keep her up any longer than she wanted so she watched over her until she was certain that it was safe for her to lift her up and settle her back onto her side of the bed. Still, she held her. Some part of her was afraid that if she released her, she would vanish into thin air. It was a rather irrational fear for it was quite impossible for Hélène to just disappear just because she let her go literally. It still struck her as a surprise that there was someone in bed with her, occupying the once empty spot that used to be stacked with extra pillows that were unnecessary. Those pillows did come to use when Hélène moved in for they did not have to go shopping for anymore and it was quite amusing just how many pillows that woman needed.</p><p>Marya watched over Hélène in her sleep, the protectiveness that she had for her goddaughters now expanding its umbrella to shelter Hélène too. Love was a funny thing and so were emotions. They plucked at her strings as though she were a puppet, controlling her until her strings ended up tangled with another person’s and there was no way of getting out of it. Not that she was complaining. Even if they were married, Marya would still stare at the occupant of the left side of her bed, bewildered and perplexed that someone could love her and that she was capable of loving someone.</p><p>
  <em>If when we're sleeping I open my eyes<br/>
It's just because each time we're sleeping I realize<br/>
That I'm not used to somebody else simply being with me<br/>
Simply being with me</em>
</p><p>Sleep came to her as well as a mind filled with nothing but loving thoughts. Why did she have to waste so much time worrying when she could just live in the present and enjoy the luxuries she had now? No doubt that Hélène had her own worries like Marya but she was better at hiding it than Marya for it was the way of a Kuragin. Locking their feelings away but Marya knew that Hélène was trying her best to open up to her, and in turn Marya was trying to calm down the slough of feelings inside of her that were stirring her up into a storm of anxiety and worrying. Neither one would ever parade outside the way they behaved at home for they knew that they felt secure around each other and behind the walls of their safe and lovely home. They were the same, only different individually but it was what made their bond so strong. They could help pick each other up and take baby steps to where they wanted to be without ever needing to rush for they were both standing on the same platform. It was all in the matter of how they carried each other along the way. Nevertheless, the love that they had for one another was all the support they needed.</p><p>
  <em>Haven't you noticed we are a mirror<br/>
We are immersed in each other<br/>
We are a miracle<br/>
We are immersed in each other</em>
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